When it's Not the Right Dog

(Not about any of my own dogs or fosters, so please breathe a sigh of relief if you need too)

Many of you know, I oppose trials -where a dog is 'test-drived' so to speak-. I look for the best home, a FOREVER home. A home that says "Yes". Not... "Maybe, with conditions." Yet, there are times when everything seems right, just to go wrong.

Personally, I truly believe there are times when a dog just isn't a good match, when despite a want to work through things, the fundamentals of said dog in said family is just not going to work out in the end. It's kind of like having a man. You can dress him up and take him out, you can mold his behaviour, but you can't change the basics of who the dog is. Temperment, energy level, prey drive, to a degree socialbility -all things that change isn't truly possible. Management is, but some buidling blocks you can't change. Don't get me wrong, most of them (first two mostly excluded) you can definitely work on, and if you're a single person or devoted couple with a lot of time to work on it, go for it. Sometimes though, you have to realize you've bitten off more than you can chew.

Now, if you've raised the dog since a puppy, I don't think you really have any excuse, as you've got the dog with a completely blank slate, but adult dogs are a little bit different. I'm talking about the recently-rescued dog, the one that has been living with you for only a little while. One that although going through a lot of change, so minor issues are expected, but at the core, just isn't meshing.

The biggest stumbling block I've seen lately is children and dogs. Many dogs love to live with school-aged children, (and some younger, although that takes a very patient dog and very good adults managing) but just because a dog is good with children out and about, doesn't mean they can handle living with them full-time. Shy or skittish dogs have a really hard time living with children as they are more unpredictable, they don't follow 'the rules' as often, and they often want the dog to interactive with them, even if the dog is giving them signals to 'go away and leave me alone'. A family then has the hard decision of working the whole family through this stage, developing lots of rules and regulations for both kids and pets, and 'trying to make it work', in which the dog might never truly become comfortable with the children, or, giving up the dog (back to rescue) and being labelled as a bad family.

Of course it depends on the individual dog and the individual situation, but to me, if a dog is truly having a hard time interacting with children in the home at all, is it fair to the dog to have them live in whole life in that scenario? And is it fair to the child, who so desperately wants a friend to have a dog that never wants to do anything with them? That they must leave alone all the time unless the dog wants attention? This might sound extreme, but, if you had to be adopted, think of the kind of home you wanted. Now picture children running around you all the time. If this scares you -would you want to stay in this home? If the children thing didn't work, just imagine three people who really push your buttons LIVING with you. (Well... if you had a ton of siblings, you might just be one of those dogs that can deal with everything ;) ).

I've had two flip sides to this story. Lexi, a little chihuahua I brought up from California almost a year ago was adopted into a fantastic home with a ten year old girl. Since Lexi was fostered with another dog, (my friend's Xolo mix) she was always quite a confident little dog, but being adopted into a home as an only dog, most of her confidence went away. Something we couldn't quite realize would happen until it did. Her family kept her and worked through the fear and shyness however, a year later she still doesn't want much to do with the eleven year old and it took months before they could really interact together without Lexi being fearful. Since there's only one child, they are able to effectively manage, and Lexi as well as her girl do have a good life together.

The other side of the kid/dog coin comes from a previous client of mine who had two little dogs and brought a third dog -a Beagle mix- home from the SPCA. They had an eight year old and an eleven year old. When the dog started showing fearful, nipping behaviour they went through training, had many rules for the children who had grown up with dogs, and worked around the issue. Unfortunately, even with good training and a 'good home' with people who would 'never give up a dog', the dog eventually ended up biting the eleven year old's face and sending her to the hospital and in need of surgery. The dog was subsenquently given up, and had to have a 'dangerous dog' labelled attached to him. If the family realized early on that the dog just wouldn't be happy in their situation, he might have gone on to find an adult-only home and live a fantastic life. Of course, there are a ton of what-if's in every situation.

It is easy to look at an application and see a family has given up a dog, but I think as rescues we need to look closer at the true reasons. If a dog was given up very quickly (within the first month or two), you can look at it as they didn't try, but at the same time, I think it takes a brave person to admit when something just isn't going to work.

This isn't an excuse for adopters not to educate themselves on what they NEED in a dog, and making sure the rescue you are working with is on the same page. And I'm not trying to say that adopters shouldn't be willing to deal with issues that come up, especially in the transition period to a new home. Mostly, this is just to say: Sometimes, even with the best intentions of everyone involved, 'it's not the right dog for the home'.

If the wellbeing of anyone in the household is in serious question -whether it's a new dog eating a cat, a new dog petrified of children, or the children in possible danger from a new dog, or two canine siblings doing more than a simple power struggle over terrain and sharing the roost, things need to be examined quickly. We are lucky in BC ---few dogs face euthanasia, and although it might take awhile, almost all dogs find forever homes. Minor things can be worked on, and some of the big things too with proper training and management, but personally, I think safety should come first.

(There's is also a difference between a safety concern and comfortableness, as many dogs are just anxious by nature, or have quirks that make them a bit harder to live with. Being 'happy' and being 'safe' is different... but that's for another time.)

Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences. I'd love some more insight. I just find sometimes we are quick to judge anyone that has ever given up a dog for any reason whatsoever. Of course it raises a BIG red flag for me, but I try to go into applications open-minded.

Perhaps I just try to look on the sunny side of the street! If anyone wants to talk me down from that cloud, that's fine with me :)

Emily Out