If, by someone's ruling I could no longer make a mistake (that leads to more consequence than just 'no reward' scenario) I honestly believe you create a truly entitled dog and sometimes you create a confused dog. You get the same thing in people.
It's like you're playing the "hotter, colder" game -in which someone gives you directions to find something using the words hotter for closer and colder for you're going further away- without being able to use the word colder. Sure, you might get to the place/item, but you're not going to get there quite as quickly, and you risk the dog getting bored and giving up long before they find success. You also create -and I've seen quite a few of them now- a "I will give it the minimum amount I can give it and still get rewarded" response. IE: a slacker!
TEACH positively. That is, with anything new that the dog doesn't know, set them up for success but in life part of guiding means letting them know when they go astray. We too often forget we live in the real world, where we do not actively teach 24/7, where are dogs need to be safe, need rules and boundaries that are ENFORCED. Of course, alongside that they need plenty of opportunities to succeed. It is a balance. You can get no where without that balance.
Mothers', if their child is getting near a stove that's on, don't casually say "Oh honey baby, PLEEASE don't go near the stove." They give a clear warning "NO! DON'T" -which might involve some form of intimidation, a shout, perhaps grabbing the child firmly from behind or depending on how close they are, perhaps even harshly jerking a hand out of the way so it doesn't reach the stove.
Is it better for us to be tough, but make sure we keep our dogs safe? I personally would rather a harshly jerked hand, than a hand that is burnt and a child who now needs to go to the hospital.
Here is the flip of the coin though. With saying no, we need to give opportunities to say yes! We need to give lots of them, and we need to give them shortly after saying no. I try hard to give at least five times as many "yesses" than having to say no. More is even better.
Unfortunately, many doggy parents fail in this crucial process. A) To say no at all sometimes, and B) If you say no -and honestly, please disagree at times with your dog, you too would become a bit of a brat if you were never disagreed with!-, find ways to say yes.
From a "real world" example here. My computer cord, besides being my link to the world -and how would I get them adopted without my computer- is dangerous. Yet of course most puppies want to try nibbling on it. I could be sheer 100% preventative and just put the cord away, and I do if I'm not in the room, but when I'm in the room I supervise my cord. And it's just that "my cord."
The very first time I see any dog lay a tooth on it, I pounce up with a new toy for them instead. After all, wires are fantastic to chew on. At this stage I'm just asking "no, not that, try this instead." If puppy is distracted great. Inevitably, the puppy is back to the wire, maybe not that day, but sometime while they're here. I now go to a vocal "WHAT do you think you're doing." A very stern glance, mum's "hairy eyeball." Puppy gets up and leave it along I give "Very good, good boy," -if he comes to me I'll give him a scratch- and go back to whatever I'm doing. I might throw him a toy.
IF however, the pup resumes with the wire, or blatantly ignores me, this is NOT okay. I now call "WRONG." (or similar). Loud, stern, trying not to be mean, but at the same time being clear. I pick the puppy up, and they are off for a time-out in their crate. Just a minute or two, like being sent to the corner.
But here is what happens when the pup is in the crate. I go "well, gotta make my point clearer I guess," which means, I bring out some training tools -some food-. I will TEACH him to make his own decisions about the wire, instead of only relying on my verbal warning
Right after he is let out of time out we play games around the wire, we effectively set puppy up for success so he gets a better understanding of what I want from him around the wire. Soon puppy, ON HIS OWN is deciding not to chew the wire. And the odd time he does, a quick "WHAT do you think you're doing" has him going "yes mam, sorry mam. I forgot."
If I just pounced on him the instant his teeth hit wire he wouldn't learn anything, but if I let him get more than one little nibble, he has learnt the boundaries don't apply at all times, AND he might hurt himself. IF I gave up on the boundary because my puppy looked sad or defeated when I gave him a warning, I would just teach him that looking pitiful will make it so that the boundary does not apply to him.
Of COURSE when I call "WHAT do you think you're doing" Chopin's ears go back and he looks caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. Which of course, he WAS just caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. (Like paper, which is what we've been working on the last day or two, and not shredding it everywhere). BUT, as soon as he drops the paper I give "good boy" and his tail starts wagging again. Suddenly he's quite proud of himself that he made the right decision! -He might get smart on me soon as start picking socks or paper up just to have me make him drop it to get a reward, but I don't mind that response. That just means he's thinking like a smart puppy!! One who has thought things through, has put A and B together to create C.
I give him the opportunity to make mistakes, but to REALIZE on his own that he's made them. With proper training and boundaries he's quite capable of realizing it.
If done right -with both boundaries, and with education- you do not create a fearful puppy -either of you or the wire- you create a puppy who knows right from wrong, a puppy who respects those rules and boundaries, and one that becomes more confident BECAUSE he can figure things out on his own. Just saying no often gets you a scared puppy, just saying yes often gets you an entitled slacker puppy.
This is part of tough love to me: Teaching a dog to think, to be patient, to work things out and problem solve. They can all do it -a little shit zu mix puppy I have for privates we've been teaching to independently seek out her people when they are hiding in very complex places (part of puppy class is hide and seek). She's surprised us all with just how quick and bright she is, how far she can go at only 12 weeks. On our third session -only playing this game about 3-4 minutes each session-, she figured out how to squeeze out a very small hole in a doorway to find her people hiding in a whole other room. You think this puppy has problems in the confidence department? Ha! This puppy knows she is capable.
I want all dogs to feel capable.
Right now, Levi/Nellie doesn't feel capable. She's obviously been trained to sit and knows some basics, but she doesn't have any expectations around them. I'm sure with the barking in her old home, this was the case too, because as SOON as I put the "WHAT do you think you're doing," to her first bark and timed her out right after he second, I haven't heard a peep out of her.
"WHAT, A RULE?!?!?!" Mouth agape. Like I just hit her with a sack of potatoes.
Yep, go figure, there's no barking in this house. The odd little playful one sure, but I have 7 dogs here right now, there's gotta be some rule or I will live in chaos and will probably end up killing you all because you've made me go insane with your barking. She's not a kid, I can't explain to her WHY I don't want it, I just have to be clear that I don't want it, and I won't stand for it. Clear and consistent. There's been the odd time that she looks like she might just give barking another go, but a hairy eyeball "The mum look" is all that she needs for her to go "oh, okay, maybe not." Then a quick "thank you" or "good girl" when I know she's fought of that urge in her. I need to acknowledge she's made the right choice!
Same thing with her tendency to throw a little bit of a tantrum (gone now) when being asked to go to her crate, or get in the car, or really to do anything she isn't fond of doing -oh no, we might walk in the opposite direction of something you really want to smell, dog forbid! This has been taught -inadvertently maybe-, but fussing to that degree is taught. It's worked for her at some point. "Oh, she doesn't like it, oh the poor dear, oh she really wants to smell the flowers, etc, etc."
Tough bananas here girl.
I ask you to go to bed, you're going to go to bed. I will make the mental note that I will also teach you the right way, but the fussing train ends here. So in and out, in and out, in and out. I could use food rewards at this point, but really I just want to break down the fuss. I don't want her to stop fussing because there's food and that's the only reason, I want her to stop her fuss because IT DOESN'T work! After a dozen or so prompt entries to the crate, -or car- I will bring out the food. For Levi's case, I can see that she isn't worried, she is just practicing behaviour that's got her what she's wanted before. I don't want to put commands to any of it, I just want it to become part of her life. Our dogs are over commanded anyway in my opinion instead of taught to be good house pets. I really couldn't give too cents if she could sit and down, roll-over or fetch me a beer, I want her to be a phenomenal dog to LIVE WITH!
Here comes Levi's other part of tough love. She earns everything here. She is always fed, has access to water, but her loving is earned -yes her attention, her pets, her one-on-one time, it's ALL earned-, her walks are earned, her exit from the crate or the car -they are earned-, what she gets to sniff on walks -earned. It sounds like a lot of work, but it's really not. The first few days maintaining the consistency is tough at times, but by the end of two weeks you will find a dog who willingly follows the FAIR new rules.
When I have a good overall dog who follow the boundaries and has respect, I can give them affection whenever, when I have a dog that hasn't learnt those things yet, I am very sparse with my affection. It's very hard for owners to do this -we love our dogs after all- but it's actually good for them at times. And go figure, because I play a bit hard to get with Levi, she wants it all the more. I also practice CALM attention. Meaning she will earn her attention by being calm -sitting or laying down-, relaxing. So far in the last few days, this is the only way she is getting her attention currently. I need to teach her high-energy/hyper will not get her love. And man does she LOVE being loved, so it is fairly easy to convince her to come hang on the couch for an hour to quietly chew a nylabone and have her butt scratched instead of throwing her toys crazy all over the place all the time.
She gets to go to daycare to blow off some energy -she doesn't actually have that much, once you put some mental exercise into her, I would say she's only medium energy, providing she gets the 10-20 minutes of mental activity, and an hour of good high-octane exercise (running, not just leash walking). Having some dog friends would be good for her since playing burns way more energy than walking or hiking. (It is important to note that young dogs need time to just run and be young dogs with other young dogs. If you expect them to behave with humans, you need to fulfill this in them -it is a social requirement. For families who can not reliably take their pups off leash, or who perhaps live without a yard, etc, etc, I DEFINITELY recommend either a daycare of someone who will take your dog on off-leash adventures once or more a week. It is critical they learn good social skills -and coping skills- before they enter adulthood.) It doesn't have to be a full-day either. Even one half day a week will allow them time to burn energy with friends.
After those 4 hours of lots of play and socialization and learning to not be so worried about introducing herself to other dogs, the rest is earned. She also gets 4 hours a day crated so that she can transition to a new family easily. Is she fond of the whole thing, sometimes not! She's used to having everything on her timetable. But she is learning, she is starting to think and not just react by fussing/shutting down and internally I think she truly enjoys the change. She's a soft dog, an entitled dog, but she is not a brat by nature. Once she starts being able to confidently make her own choices I know she's there. I can see her being a complete dog. A dog that is PART of a family, and not leading one. She's just not suited to lead.
So the verdict on Levi?
She's a typical dog, who needs typical leadership, who craves to be protected and guided and shown the best way to live in her world. She's not going to crumble if you tell her no. She needs some confidence building in general, but she's highly adoptable as long as someone is willing to set boundaries with her. They don't really even need to be highly firm boundaries, they just have to be clear and consistent ones. She is pretty normal of dogs, not some hooligan I expected.
We ALL do better with boundaries and are better equipped to deal with our lives because of them. We strive to meet expectations of us. So too, do most dogs.
And here are some pictures yesterday of Levi:
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| A Serious Girl |
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| A Little Worried, but Thinking and Focused! -We're working to make her not so nervous. |
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| Being a Little Goofy |
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| This Bootcamp thing is Exhausting. |
And that will leave Levi the only one until after we move. And after we move, we're going to try to stick to one foster only as much as possible. Besides, as much as I enjoy fostering, with Jerrad back to work full-time and a young BC to drive me crazy, I've been juggling a little too much lately. I'm glad we'll be just down to Levi, as that will give me a chance to really concentrate on her. She's going to meet a potential family tonight, so we'll see how it goes. She might need another week of bootcamp, but we'll see. I have a lot of faith in a dog's ability to know if a home is right for them.
It's never just about paper! (Application)
Now that I've bored you all to tears,
Emily Out
2 comments:
Thank you for this thoughtful and helpful blog post.
Not ever boring ' always a good positive blog ' thanks for sharing it' Awsome!!Pollyb
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